This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
