I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
