I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
