North Korea, Best Korea!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
