Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
