just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
