Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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