So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
