shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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