He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
