can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
