I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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