i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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