I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
