Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
