she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
