Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
