just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
