I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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