I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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