He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The struggles of a small town man whore
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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