new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
