just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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