The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
