she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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