I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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