God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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