i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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