Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
