please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
