I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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