I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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