my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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