her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
