it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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