Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I can text with my tongue
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
