I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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