So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
