Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
