i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i dont even know how to be here
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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