He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
