he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
