I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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