just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
