i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
