I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
