1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
