Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
