You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
