Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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