im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
